Toilets and sail boats don't go terribly well together. And why should they?!? You're in the middle of a giant body of water, just hang your ass over the edge and do your business where God intended it to be done. So much more hygienic than squatting below deck, in a slanted closet, trying to pee on a plastic box that turns out to not even be assembled properly.
The saga of the mini-porta potty from here on in dubbed the pee box.
I am sure I am slowly loosing my memory, because I KNOW I've used one of these things before but I had NO IDEA whatsoever as to how to operate this one. At the moment, all I really needed to do, desperately, was to pee.
Below decks, I wedge my six foot frame into the "bathroom" setting my ass into the sink as I'm trying to wiggle my pants off and open the pee box. It's latched shut.
Why? Because everything on a sail boat gets strapped, latched, locked and stowed. Nothing can wiggle. Except when I try to open the pee box, the entire box lifts up.
I should really fix this situation first, but man alive, I've got to go. So I figure out how to unlatch the lid, pray that M doesn't decide to be funny and tack or jibe, and do my business.
Now I've done it. I've filled the upper, open portion of the pee box and I have no idea how to get the pee into the lower part where it won't slosh out and baptize us all.
One convenience of being in a bathroom so small that you can brace your body on all four walls simply by exhaling is that you don't fall and hurt yourself as the wind and waves toss your little boat (and your pee) around.
Assessing what I've got to work with on this box: There's a plastic push thingy on the left and a twisty knob on the right. Well, being a PhD, I could grasp that the knob wasn't going to help me, but perhaps it made sense to pump on the push thingy?
(slosh slosh)
A couple of pumps are given, but the pee is not disappearing. The push thingy is not the flusher. Where the hell is the flusher?!?!
I try to get a look at other sides of the pee box and find the magic thing that will take this pee away. I lower the lid and latch it (like that's going to help) so I can lean in and look at the front. As I brace myself on the top edge of the now "closed" (hermetically sealed) pee box, I realize that it wasn't the whole pee box that lifted up earlier, but just the top section. This is not good. Not at all good.
Can you guess where the pee goes?
Anyway, the geniuses that designed sailboat bathrooms make the space for the pee box fit into a very shallow tub. So, now I have the pee box sitting in a pan filled with pee. As I am turning green from being below decks on high seas, I decide there is nothing more that can be done to help the situation and decide to let M deal with it later.
Me to M: I think the pee box leaks (playing the totally clueless woman... hey, sometimes it comes in handy)
M: Why do you think that?
Me: Because I see pee running out of it.
M: (cringe) Oh, well, I'll look at it later.
M doesn't have a stomach for these things, but being the captain of the ship and leaving the child wrangling to me, he later, valiantly, tackles the pee box problem. It was, as I suspected, not put together right and it took a manly man like M to right the situation.
M: (looking at the pee left in the tray) Who's pee is that?
Basically, M decided that the owner of the pee has to clean it up. There was no convincing him that this also fell under the category of Manly Men jobs even given the fact that the pee was in contact with an important key component of a beastly sail boat. And pretty darn close to the engine even.
____________________
Now that we have an assembled pee box (and understand it's complicated inner workings), we still want to keep it's usage to a minimum as M and I are keenly aware that we will have to properly empty it at the end of the weekend. So, We declare: only for extreme circumstances (ie. we'd rather you pee in the box than on the floor of the cabin) and keep true to it's title - PEE box.
Well, I don't want to get gross (it's not been gross up to now, has it?), but the contract was breached. The one about pee only. Yea, Punkette is apparently so comfortable with her bodily functions that she does not suffer in the least from travelers constipation. And when it came time to return the boat, M paid the 50 euros to NOT empty the something-other-than-just-Pee box. It's a good thing they didn't ask for 100.
Tuesday, May 5
Monday, May 4
sweet sailing
This was part of the backdrop to my past three days. The town in the distance is Riva del Garda. We chartered our boat there and reacquainted ourselves with the joys of sailing.
After some initial stress (a vomiting incident during the car drive there, being taken to the wrong port, the chartering company failing to mention that they required a 500 euro cash deposit, more than the cost of chartering and M having to endure a sail test run with a neurotic sailor who insisted that the best way to handle the boat was to hold the tiller between his legs. I think there may have been something else going on there) we were finally able to settle into our boat. The punks were HYPER excited.
The town was packed with tourists visiting during the May Day holiday. We found a fantastic restaurant a short walk from the marina and an organic grocery store across the street. Finally some organic strawberries!
The lake is the largest in Italy, surrounded by high peaks and speckled with cute little villages. We had originally planned to make stops during the day but were told that most of the towns did not have places for boats our size to dock. This turned out not to be true, but for this trip we did our sight seeing from the water and survived just fine by stocking up on lots of healthy food and eating our lunch while we sailed.
Saturday night we made port at the little town of Bogliaco (where we had to pay the INSANE price of 80 euros for the slip... at least the bathrooms were nice). The picture of lake-side tranquility.
What's cuter than an Italian village? An Italian village with sailboats in the square!
Sunday morning on the lake: skipping stones, soaking sun, and kids setting up their boats for sailing school.
Children playing soccer in their wet suits while they wait for the rest of the sailing class to get ready.
We got to that point where you feel like the land is rocking... our "sea legs." There was lots of sun and wind. Nice (terrifying) gusts of wind due to breaks in the surrounding mountains. The punks and I were riding on the bow for awhile, trying to see if we could get our feet wet when were were slammed by a 50 mph gust of wind. Seriously, it was sudden and I was wishing my pants were made of rubber instead of silky smooth cotton. Fortunately, I had already positioned both kids so that they had something solid to hold on to and I kept myself on the boat by clinging to the lifelines. Seeing that M was in serious need of help reefing the sails, I opened the forward hatch and helped (shoved) the kids into the cabin. Things were quickly normalized but I had to talk Punkone back into the cockpit. Once he was out, sitting in the cockpit, deadpan faced, he said "Getting my pants scared off... check." Funniest moment of the trip.
After some initial stress (a vomiting incident during the car drive there, being taken to the wrong port, the chartering company failing to mention that they required a 500 euro cash deposit, more than the cost of chartering and M having to endure a sail test run with a neurotic sailor who insisted that the best way to handle the boat was to hold the tiller between his legs. I think there may have been something else going on there) we were finally able to settle into our boat. The punks were HYPER excited.
The town was packed with tourists visiting during the May Day holiday. We found a fantastic restaurant a short walk from the marina and an organic grocery store across the street. Finally some organic strawberries!
The lake is the largest in Italy, surrounded by high peaks and speckled with cute little villages. We had originally planned to make stops during the day but were told that most of the towns did not have places for boats our size to dock. This turned out not to be true, but for this trip we did our sight seeing from the water and survived just fine by stocking up on lots of healthy food and eating our lunch while we sailed.
Saturday night we made port at the little town of Bogliaco (where we had to pay the INSANE price of 80 euros for the slip... at least the bathrooms were nice). The picture of lake-side tranquility.
What's cuter than an Italian village? An Italian village with sailboats in the square!
Sunday morning on the lake: skipping stones, soaking sun, and kids setting up their boats for sailing school.
Children playing soccer in their wet suits while they wait for the rest of the sailing class to get ready.We got to that point where you feel like the land is rocking... our "sea legs." There was lots of sun and wind. Nice (terrifying) gusts of wind due to breaks in the surrounding mountains. The punks and I were riding on the bow for awhile, trying to see if we could get our feet wet when were were slammed by a 50 mph gust of wind. Seriously, it was sudden and I was wishing my pants were made of rubber instead of silky smooth cotton. Fortunately, I had already positioned both kids so that they had something solid to hold on to and I kept myself on the boat by clinging to the lifelines. Seeing that M was in serious need of help reefing the sails, I opened the forward hatch and helped (shoved) the kids into the cabin. Things were quickly normalized but I had to talk Punkone back into the cockpit. Once he was out, sitting in the cockpit, deadpan faced, he said "Getting my pants scared off... check." Funniest moment of the trip.
Sunday, May 3
sailing between mountains
I haven't expressed it in a while, but I love living in Italy. I love being in the mountains, walking the stone and cobble streets, the shutters and washed out colors of the buildings. Seems like hidden treasures.
This weekend I went sailing with my family in Lake Garda. Yes, I cheated with the connections posts. But WOW the sail around the lake was amazing... I will make it up to you when I up load the photos in the morning and do a proper post.
Highlights:
Just being back on a boat again with M. He owned a small sail boat when we were in grad school together and we sailed every weekend we could. We loved the physical labor of refinishing the boat during the winter months. And finding that flow between us that maneuvering a boat requires. On a two week sail we night sailed threw a storm and he says that was when he decided he needed to marry me. The same storm came up in visualization exercises in our childbirth preparation classes. We even lived on a boat for the last three months of my first pregnancy. Later we sailed with both kids to where we were married. So, yes, it felt really wonderful to be back on a boat with M... makes me want to do a year aboard.
The punks were great. And M was good about asking them to pull lines, steer, and other things to help out when he could. Sailing can be stressful and he kept the tension down. This was the first time I've sailed with older punks and I didn't bring anything to keep them entertained. They made due towing dock lines, trying to get their feet wet and feeding the ducks, but next time I'll bring a toy boat they can tow, fishing poles, and nets maybe. More water toys. And their swim suits, even if the water is German tourist cold. ;)
I can't wait to post the pictures and tell the stories.
A presto,
Chrisitne
This weekend I went sailing with my family in Lake Garda. Yes, I cheated with the connections posts. But WOW the sail around the lake was amazing... I will make it up to you when I up load the photos in the morning and do a proper post.
Highlights:
Just being back on a boat again with M. He owned a small sail boat when we were in grad school together and we sailed every weekend we could. We loved the physical labor of refinishing the boat during the winter months. And finding that flow between us that maneuvering a boat requires. On a two week sail we night sailed threw a storm and he says that was when he decided he needed to marry me. The same storm came up in visualization exercises in our childbirth preparation classes. We even lived on a boat for the last three months of my first pregnancy. Later we sailed with both kids to where we were married. So, yes, it felt really wonderful to be back on a boat with M... makes me want to do a year aboard.
The punks were great. And M was good about asking them to pull lines, steer, and other things to help out when he could. Sailing can be stressful and he kept the tension down. This was the first time I've sailed with older punks and I didn't bring anything to keep them entertained. They made due towing dock lines, trying to get their feet wet and feeding the ducks, but next time I'll bring a toy boat they can tow, fishing poles, and nets maybe. More water toys. And their swim suits, even if the water is German tourist cold. ;)
I can't wait to post the pictures and tell the stories.
A presto,
Chrisitne
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