It's a bit of a lie, this adventure, seeking, experiencing life, thing that I do. Who am I lying to? You, as it makes for wonderful, "seize the day" blog posts. But mostly myself. A defense mechanism to convince myself that I can leave all the people I know and love on the other side of the world, and live in a completely new place. A lie as I say "see you soon" and head into the international airport. A lie as I stroll out to lunch with my coworkers when I am in town for a few weeks, like I would on any day if I'd never moved, and work like I'd never been gone, stop by offices, play some hoops, and fill out a timecard. A lie when I tell myself that there's only what I will gain and nothing to loose.
When I was sweating the details of moving abroad a friend told me not to worry. I would go off and live abroad for a couple of years and when I came back, things would pretty much be the same. The same people would be in their offices, dealing with the same kind of problems. I guess, in many ways, that's absolutely true. But, I have to remember not to count on that so much. Things do change. And sometimes, in very big scary ways. That friend of mine has been dealing with a big fat brain tumor while my back was turned.
Is it going to make me dig in somewhere? Probably not. That would be a lie too. It's just not who I am. But I need to start letting myself feel (and feed) the pull from my loved ones a bit more. If you're a wander, a seeker... you might agree that this is a difficult thing to do.