Do you do or do you don't?

I never really realized how much working full-time takes out of you until I had the chance to not for a time. And it was a nice "not" because I was fortunate enough to do so without taking on too much financial stress. So my "not" was a course in finding natural rhythms and productive relaxation.

And wouldn't it be nice if we could all live like that, all the time? In a state of productive relaxation. Could be an oxymoron. But that's as best as I can describe it. Without knowing it, I began to look younger (amazing what consistent, sufficient sleep can do for you). And jumping head first back into my full-time career has felt like I've aged ten years in six months.

And in my idle moments (60 minutes worth) commuting in to work, the commutes of my recent history creep up into my brain. The rusted iron angel over a neighbor's door. Noticing cracks and colors and ... well you know.

So as the black awakens to dusty blue,
I'll ask this (to myself and you):
Do I want this life or do I don't?
Because if I'm here, that means I must.