Do you do or do you don't?

I never really realized how much working full-time takes out of you until I had the chance to not for a time. And it was a nice "not" because I was fortunate enough to do so without taking on too much financial stress. So my "not" was a course in finding natural rhythms and productive relaxation.

And wouldn't it be nice if we could all live like that, all the time? In a state of productive relaxation. Could be an oxymoron. But that's as best as I can describe it. Without knowing it, I began to look younger (amazing what consistent, sufficient sleep can do for you). And jumping head first back into my full-time career has felt like I've aged ten years in six months.

And in my idle moments (60 minutes worth) commuting in to work, the commutes of my recent history creep up into my brain. The rusted iron angel over a neighbor's door. Noticing cracks and colors and ... well you know.

So as the black awakens to dusty blue,
I'll ask this (to myself and you):
Do I want this life or do I don't?
Because if I'm here, that means I must.

hello hello

I was asked: Grab the nearest book, turn to page 56, read the 5th sentence. Just a whimsical exercise from the local independent bookstore. But I was idle this morning and I bit.

56th page
5th sentence

"I sit there thinking about how much courage it takes to live an ordinary life."

Seriously, sometimes things happen that really knock you on your ass, right? JHC. Damn. That's exactly what I'm sitting here thinking about. How did the universe know? And how considerate of it to alert my conscious mind of it.

Much sweeter than the swift kick in the pants that it usually takes for us to grasp hold of what's going on in our lives.

There's a bit of history here too that I should probably let you in on. That constant drive to be anything but ordinary. That's great. But it can land you in a place where you're never happy with where you are. It's never enough because you're not that super hero you think the world needs. And it takes courage to see that taking the ordinary things in your life (your wife, kids, job, ...) and really LIVING it is amazing. It's the stuff that makes the world burst and lets real joy into your life. That kind of living is where heroes come from.


I miss writing and I've missed your blogs. Some time away has made me realize that the exchange of words and ideas I have here is such a valuable component of my inner reflection. So hello again. I'll see you around.

Love,
CGram